COVID and anxious kids. What to do?
COVID has forced us to change how we live. For some it’s been easy, for others the opposite is true.
Many children haven’t been able to go to school, see friends or relatives, do sports, and in some cases they may not have seen their parents for long periods if caught overseas.
As parents, we want to keep our precious children safe and happy. During such unknown times, how can we do this and at the same time not over protect.
Most of us have heard of the term “helicopter parents” but what does it really mean and have you been guilty of it? The answer is probably.
A quick google finds the definition as “a parent who takes an overprotective or excessive interest in the life of their child or children”.
Examples of Helicopter Parenting
constantly asking teachers for progress reports
trying to prevent every minor physical tumble
enrolling them in sports or other activities without their input
not letting a child solve problems on their own
intervening in arguments or issues with friends or others
doing their homework for them
not allowing them to do things on their own
For many parents, it simply feels like we’re protecting our child from emotional hurt, or keeping them physically safe, or taking their fear away, or helping them achieve their goals by doing a few of the harder things for them etc. What’s wrong with that?
Unfortunately the negative impact of helicopter parenting has been known for years.
A study published in Developmental Psychology in June 2018 followed 422 children over eight years and assessed them at ages 2, 5 and 10 years old, as part of a study of social and emotional development. The children and their parents were observed during play interactions at home, as well as reports from teachers, and self-reports from the 10 year olds.
The research found that when parents “over-controlled” when a child was 2 years old, it was associated with poorer emotional and behavioural regulation at 5 years old. On the flip side, when a child at 5 years old had better regulation of their emotions, they were less likely to have emotional problems and better social skills at the age of 10.
Allowing a child to figure things out on their own and handle emotional challenges will support the growth of their coping skills. When a child is facing something a little scary, a parent can gently challenge rather than pulling on the rescue suit. This might sound like: “I know you’re feeling a little nervous sweetheart, but you are safe, and you can do this.”
How To Avoid Helicopter Parenting
Recognise where you may be stepping in a just a bit too far. Then loosen the reins a little. Doing so doesn’t make you less loving, caring or involved. Showing them you love them doesn’t mean solving all their problems for them.
Here are some ideas:
Before solving their problems now, think of the long term benefits of building their emotional skills (coping skills)
Allow them to help around the house with cooking, cleaning and other tasks
Don’t fix their disagreements with friends. Discuss with them and listen to their ideas on how they might solve it
Let them make age-appropriate decisions for themselves
If the task is something your child is capable of doing, then don’t do it for them i.e. making their own school lunch
Allow them to make mistakes / fail
Talk to them about the learning journey (progress) versus results (perfection)
Don’t worry if you slip into your rescue suit occasionally. But do notice if you’re doing it regularly and make a decision to change.
So step back as often as you can and let them figure things out. They will.
As a Licensed Thrive Coach, I work with parents and children so they learn to minimise stress, anxiety, fears/phobias and instead thrive in life. Learn more about The Thrive Programme here.